
Mama says she was lost,
says she asked directions from my father
and doesn’t know how they ended up in bed,
[…]
When I look in the mirror
sometimes I think I can see his face
imposed over mine,
although it’s only an outline really
with a bare fact, a detail
my mother doled out grudgingly.
I truly only see what he left
going faster than any E=mc2 formula
could take him,
escaping fatherhood like any other man
who hadn’t planned on staying long,
my otosan, traveling light,
traveling at the velocity of darkness.
-“Relativity” (2003), From Ai's Dread
I do not remember when I first came across poetry by Ai, but I know that it was summertime and I was attending college in Michigan. I had already stumbled, deeply, upon the work of Anne Sexton, then Sylvia Plath, and finally, Ai. In that all-things-unhinged order--and I could not turn away. Against the conservative calm of my mid-western campus, I took in the unfettered consciousness of the radical poet Ai. She is at once dark, and darker. Hers is a reality soaked in starkness, with little emotion, if any at all. There is never enough light in her poetry; often, the darkness is already too much, overpowering what even then, from my early years, had formed as the always-possible "cloud-free" ideal, which would slowly become eroded by living more. Her world still fascinates me to this day--as it may you.